8 Days to go!!
(Before I begin, I am dedicating this post to one of my readers: Kristin Shope. She is a faithful reader and friend, who would probably prefer that I post something every day as I think she checks my blog that often. :) Thanks for your prayers and support Kristin!)
When I was a kid, it was a really big deal when you went from being 9 years old to 10 years old. You were no longer single digits, you were double digits!! I know, it sounds like I had a boring childhood, but it was really a milestone for me to go from 9-10. I wonder if I'll make it to triple digits??
Ok, so I don't really sit and think about turning 100. I am excited to say that we are in the single digits of our countdown to meeting the girls and hopefully taking them home. Note the word "hopefully".
Now on to what's really going on in my head and heart.
A big mix of everything, all jumbled together. Granted, I am hormonal and tired but in the middle of all those feelings are others that I knew would come to the surface at some point or another.
I am really, really missing Molly.
I am really scared to have these babies and find out something is horribly wrong. (And while I'm at it, please don't tell me that everything is going to be fine. I don't know that and neither does anyone else, except for God of course. I have learned that just because I've lost two babies doesn't mean I deserve to have these two.)
I am feeling sad that I won't be the first to hold them in my arms.
I am angry that I have to wait an hour to be stitched up, or possibly more, before they can be in our room with us. Haven't we waited long enough?
I am ready to meet them and yet not at the same time.
And on some lighter notes...
I am excited that we have made it this far and have had such a great pregnancy!
I am so grateful that they are still kicking me and moving around, letting me know that they are content.
I am thrilled and humbled beyond words that God would give us two precious daughters to take care of.
I love Piper and I love Lily.
The latest update for me and the girls hasn't changed much at all. I did see my doctor last week and had another non-stress test, which I actually look forward to. Everything is on track and looking good.
When I saw my doctor last week I mentioned to him about this new pain I've been experiencing. The bottom line is that the weight of the girls and my uterus, is placing such pressure on my ligaments and joints that at times I experience a painful, pinching sensation in my legs that calls for immediate change in position.
I was at PetsMart the other day to stock up on dog food when I had this happen. I was walking towards the checkout line when it struck me in the left leg. I had to stop in the middle of the main aisle and twist and turn my leg around until it quit hurting, probably one of the longest it has hurt like that. One of the managers walked up to me and asked if I needed help with anything or if I was ok. I could tell he was a little nervous with a way pregnant lady in the aisle not looking at anything but instead with a pained look on her face. I told him I was fine and that it was just part of pregnancy. Thankfully he didn't call 911. I just wanted the dog food and then wanted to get to Panera across the street for my own chow.
So that is the latest. One week from tomorrow, Monday, we will be meeting our babies for the first time. We are thrilled, nervous, excited, anxious, and scared all at the same time. It will be quite the celebration at the hospital when they arrive and we are hopeful and prayerful that everything will be fine and that we will get to take them home with us when we go home.
Thank you for all of those prayers. We still need them. We will definitely update the blog again before next Monday and will also post pics once the girls are here.
I will also be making it my goal for the next 7 days to come up with one thing each day that I am thankful for about being pregnant. An excellent suggestion by my handsome hubby!
Today I said I was thankful for: Feeling them kick and move around, especially when I eat or drink something sweet. They really like ice cream! :)
When I was a kid, it was a really big deal when you went from being 9 years old to 10 years old. You were no longer single digits, you were double digits!! I know, it sounds like I had a boring childhood, but it was really a milestone for me to go from 9-10. I wonder if I'll make it to triple digits??
Ok, so I don't really sit and think about turning 100. I am excited to say that we are in the single digits of our countdown to meeting the girls and hopefully taking them home. Note the word "hopefully".
Now on to what's really going on in my head and heart.
A big mix of everything, all jumbled together. Granted, I am hormonal and tired but in the middle of all those feelings are others that I knew would come to the surface at some point or another.
I am really, really missing Molly.
I am really scared to have these babies and find out something is horribly wrong. (And while I'm at it, please don't tell me that everything is going to be fine. I don't know that and neither does anyone else, except for God of course. I have learned that just because I've lost two babies doesn't mean I deserve to have these two.)
I am feeling sad that I won't be the first to hold them in my arms.
I am angry that I have to wait an hour to be stitched up, or possibly more, before they can be in our room with us. Haven't we waited long enough?
I am ready to meet them and yet not at the same time.
And on some lighter notes...
I am excited that we have made it this far and have had such a great pregnancy!
I am so grateful that they are still kicking me and moving around, letting me know that they are content.
I am thrilled and humbled beyond words that God would give us two precious daughters to take care of.
I love Piper and I love Lily.
The latest update for me and the girls hasn't changed much at all. I did see my doctor last week and had another non-stress test, which I actually look forward to. Everything is on track and looking good.
When I saw my doctor last week I mentioned to him about this new pain I've been experiencing. The bottom line is that the weight of the girls and my uterus, is placing such pressure on my ligaments and joints that at times I experience a painful, pinching sensation in my legs that calls for immediate change in position.
I was at PetsMart the other day to stock up on dog food when I had this happen. I was walking towards the checkout line when it struck me in the left leg. I had to stop in the middle of the main aisle and twist and turn my leg around until it quit hurting, probably one of the longest it has hurt like that. One of the managers walked up to me and asked if I needed help with anything or if I was ok. I could tell he was a little nervous with a way pregnant lady in the aisle not looking at anything but instead with a pained look on her face. I told him I was fine and that it was just part of pregnancy. Thankfully he didn't call 911. I just wanted the dog food and then wanted to get to Panera across the street for my own chow.
So that is the latest. One week from tomorrow, Monday, we will be meeting our babies for the first time. We are thrilled, nervous, excited, anxious, and scared all at the same time. It will be quite the celebration at the hospital when they arrive and we are hopeful and prayerful that everything will be fine and that we will get to take them home with us when we go home.
Thank you for all of those prayers. We still need them. We will definitely update the blog again before next Monday and will also post pics once the girls are here.
I will also be making it my goal for the next 7 days to come up with one thing each day that I am thankful for about being pregnant. An excellent suggestion by my handsome hubby!
Today I said I was thankful for: Feeling them kick and move around, especially when I eat or drink something sweet. They really like ice cream! :)
Comments
If I'm "normal" then the emotions you're facing about your c-section are normal. I was an emotional basketcase for a couple of weeks after having Layla and it all stemmed from having a c-section - not being able to see/feel anything, not being able to hold her, not seeing her for 3 hours (!). She was fine, I just didn't know enough to demand to see my daughter. I wasn't able to mentally prepare before, though. I don't know if that would have made it better or not. Hopefully you can deal with the anger/frustrations now and get it all out of the way before your beauties arrive. I'll be praying for your entire c-section experience.
But it's good to hear your thoughts/emotions in these last days, too. They are precious kicks, precious aches & pains that you'd never want to stop for the wrong reasons.
I got the book you recommended and I've been eating a TON the last few days! Thanks for the recommendation.
Thank you for your wonderful updates!!!
I have been randomly following your blog for a couple of years now, and when we found out you were pregnant, my husband, Michael, and I were so excited! I will be praying for you and for your precious family. As I was reading your blog entry, it made me pick up my own Lily, who is 3-months-old, and give extra thanks to God for her! I pray that things will go smoothly for you guys, and that you will get to take home Piper and Lily with much joy. Thank God that they are almost here, and thank God that you have two!
Much blessings,
Jennifer
Praying for you as you wait only 7 more days! I'll pray that it will pass by quickly and that you will have lots of enjoyable moments in the last days of carrying these 2 precious girls on the inside! :)
I will be lifting you ALL up in prayer this week! Thank you for being so candid and honest! You are such an inspiration to me! I cannot wait to read about the arrival of Piper and Lily (I loooove their names, by the way! ;)
May the Lord bless you and keep you, may he be gracious unto you, and give you peace...
Enjoy these last few days--I so miss feeling those sweet kicks and rolls in my tummy...so miraculous!
I love reading your blog!!! ;)
Liz
But I had to comment because I also have twin girls that just turned one march 3rd. Twins are a blessing beyond and such a joy (even if I didn't sleep for a couple months). : )
What really resonated was how you shared your fears about the c-section. I had our first daughter naturally and when my doctor told me I had to have a c-section (I had a breech baby and transverse baby : ) ), I cried and cried. . . for pretty much all the reasons you shared.
But what I want to ENCOURAGE you with is that my c-section was so much more connected with my girls than I anticipated. Thankfully, I did have a complication-free one, but I was holding Kate in my recovery room within the first hour and Olivia not much longer after (they were 5'12 and 5'10 at birth).
I had asked my husband to just start snapping pictures as soon as they came out - so he followed and got them getting weighed, measured and everything and brought the camera back to me right away. It helped me feel like I was as much a part of their entry to the world as my older daughter. I was ok not having him by me, knowing he was watching over them for me if that makes sense. And I was able to give them both kisses and quick snuggles before they whisked them away for a bit to get body temps up.
I was so scared it would feel like "less" of an experience . . .and it was still the complete miraculous introduction that I so prayed it could be.
So this week, I"ll be praying for comfort: physically (I still remember those end weeks!), emotionally and spiritually. That you can find joy in the anticipation and excitement for what's to come. And we'll be praying condifently knowing that we have a God that promises to walk every step of every journey with us. God bless!
Oh - if you'd like to read some of the posts I wrote about having twins (I've known several people who've had them lately), you can find them at:
http://connectthedots-amber.blogspot.com/2009/09/part-one-so-if-i-was-having-twins-again.html
http://connectthedots-amber.blogspot.com/2009/09/part-two-if-i-was-having-twins-again.html
http://connectthedots-amber.blogspot.com/2009/10/part-3-if-i-was-having-twins-again.html
http://connectthedots-amber.blogspot.com/2009/11/part-4-if-i-was-having-twins-again.html
I wrote about my pregnancy, the beginning months, advice for family/friends and then about nursing twins. No pressure - I just know I loved hearing other moms of twins experiences!
PS-- I know a lot of women who lied after they had a c-section so they could see their babies faster. Not that I condone lying, but thought I'd give you that suggestion nonetheless :)
My husband and I have been married almost 4 years and we lost our little Israel at 11 weeks in 08 and then we lost Gracie last summer. We are expecting baby number 3 though and I am due in 10 weeks! It's a little boy and we are so excited but I can definitely identify with your feelings about missing Molly and scared about something going wrong with this pregnancy!
I am so happy for you and Jacob and the little girls you're about to meet! Hope everything goes well! I'll be praying! Thanks again for sharing your story!
Lauren (Daniels)