Friday, March 26, 2010

8 Days to go!!

(Before I begin, I am dedicating this post to one of my readers: Kristin Shope. She is a faithful reader and friend, who would probably prefer that I post something every day as I think she checks my blog that often. :) Thanks for your prayers and support Kristin!)

When I was a kid, it was a really big deal when you went from being 9 years old to 10 years old. You were no longer single digits, you were double digits!! I know, it sounds like I had a boring childhood, but it was really a milestone for me to go from 9-10. I wonder if I'll make it to triple digits??

Ok, so I don't really sit and think about turning 100. I am excited to say that we are in the single digits of our countdown to meeting the girls and hopefully taking them home. Note the word "hopefully".

Now on to what's really going on in my head and heart.

A big mix of everything, all jumbled together. Granted, I am hormonal and tired but in the middle of all those feelings are others that I knew would come to the surface at some point or another.

I am really, really missing Molly.

I am really scared to have these babies and find out something is horribly wrong. (And while I'm at it, please don't tell me that everything is going to be fine. I don't know that and neither does anyone else, except for God of course. I have learned that just because I've lost two babies doesn't mean I deserve to have these two.)

I am feeling sad that I won't be the first to hold them in my arms.

I am angry that I have to wait an hour to be stitched up, or possibly more, before they can be in our room with us. Haven't we waited long enough?

I am ready to meet them and yet not at the same time.

And on some lighter notes...

I am excited that we have made it this far and have had such a great pregnancy!

I am so grateful that they are still kicking me and moving around, letting me know that they are content.

I am thrilled and humbled beyond words that God would give us two precious daughters to take care of.

I love Piper and I love Lily.

The latest update for me and the girls hasn't changed much at all. I did see my doctor last week and had another non-stress test, which I actually look forward to. Everything is on track and looking good.

When I saw my doctor last week I mentioned to him about this new pain I've been experiencing. The bottom line is that the weight of the girls and my uterus, is placing such pressure on my ligaments and joints that at times I experience a painful, pinching sensation in my legs that calls for immediate change in position.

I was at PetsMart the other day to stock up on dog food when I had this happen. I was walking towards the checkout line when it struck me in the left leg. I had to stop in the middle of the main aisle and twist and turn my leg around until it quit hurting, probably one of the longest it has hurt like that. One of the managers walked up to me and asked if I needed help with anything or if I was ok. I could tell he was a little nervous with a way pregnant lady in the aisle not looking at anything but instead with a pained look on her face. I told him I was fine and that it was just part of pregnancy. Thankfully he didn't call 911. I just wanted the dog food and then wanted to get to Panera across the street for my own chow.

So that is the latest. One week from tomorrow, Monday, we will be meeting our babies for the first time. We are thrilled, nervous, excited, anxious, and scared all at the same time. It will be quite the celebration at the hospital when they arrive and we are hopeful and prayerful that everything will be fine and that we will get to take them home with us when we go home.

Thank you for all of those prayers. We still need them. We will definitely update the blog again before next Monday and will also post pics once the girls are here.

I will also be making it my goal for the next 7 days to come up with one thing each day that I am thankful for about being pregnant. An excellent suggestion by my handsome hubby!

Today I said I was thankful for: Feeling them kick and move around, especially when I eat or drink something sweet. They really like ice cream! :)

22 comments:

Julie said...

I've also had weird leg aches/pains. At night I like to take epsom salt baths...and yesterday a friend recommended a soothing remedy: eucalyptus essential oil. I mix a few drops of it with a carrier oil (like coconut or olive) and rub it into my achy muscle. Though I smell like an old lady, it feels good. After one particularly horrendous calf spasm (you know the kind that wakes you abruptly in the night?!) this eucalyptus oil remedy was just the thing to take away the soreness the next day.

Carrie said...

I cannot imagine what you're going through right now. I'll be praying for you and your family during this next week and for the birth.

M. Serna said...

Love this post! :)

Jessica said...

Continuing to pray for you, Jake, Piper, and Lily.

If I'm "normal" then the emotions you're facing about your c-section are normal. I was an emotional basketcase for a couple of weeks after having Layla and it all stemmed from having a c-section - not being able to see/feel anything, not being able to hold her, not seeing her for 3 hours (!). She was fine, I just didn't know enough to demand to see my daughter. I wasn't able to mentally prepare before, though. I don't know if that would have made it better or not. Hopefully you can deal with the anger/frustrations now and get it all out of the way before your beauties arrive. I'll be praying for your entire c-section experience.

Molly Piper said...

So eager to read an arrival post, Rebecca!!! I'm DYING over here!!!

But it's good to hear your thoughts/emotions in these last days, too. They are precious kicks, precious aches & pains that you'd never want to stop for the wrong reasons.

I got the book you recommended and I've been eating a TON the last few days! Thanks for the recommendation.

Jesslyn said...

I know you don't know me, but I do check up on you and girls (after hearing Molly's story on Family Life)! Thank you so much for sharing so openly and honestly. I'll be praying for you (and the girls)!

Thank you for your wonderful updates!!!

Jennifer said...

Rebecca,
I have been randomly following your blog for a couple of years now, and when we found out you were pregnant, my husband, Michael, and I were so excited! I will be praying for you and for your precious family. As I was reading your blog entry, it made me pick up my own Lily, who is 3-months-old, and give extra thanks to God for her! I pray that things will go smoothly for you guys, and that you will get to take home Piper and Lily with much joy. Thank God that they are almost here, and thank God that you have two!

Much blessings,
Jennifer

Laura said...

I can remember having very similar feelings as you at the end of my pregnancy with Jaxon, after losing Mya. I felt like he would be so much safer OUTside my womb than on the inside and couldn't WAIT for him out be out so that we could watch him and hold him and be cared for. I remember the last month or two being the hardest, and I have a feeling it might be like that at the end of this pregnancy too. THankfully both Jaxon and this baby that I'm carrying now are very active and I haven't yet had to count kicks or drink orange juice and lay down to try and get her to move. God's grace!

Praying for you as you wait only 7 more days! I'll pray that it will pass by quickly and that you will have lots of enjoyable moments in the last days of carrying these 2 precious girls on the inside! :)

belle said...

holding you in prayer.... i have 3 rainbow babies (4 living children total). hang in there. i too had many anxious feelings and anger..... praying for you everyday and your sweet girls too.

Yours Truly said...

Praying for a safe arrival and homecoming for you and your girlies. Love you!!

Rachelle H said...

I felt your disappointment with being one of the last people to hold Anna, too (I think my mom got to hold her before I did, because she saw her in the hallway on the way to the nursery). One of the nurses let me pull back the side of the curtain and watch them clean her up, so while I was being stitched up I could at least watch her (maybe you could request that?) I'll never forget feeling her cheek on my cheek (since you can't really hold them on your belly)--it was a sweet sweet moment! So, even though I couldn't hold her, I savor that memory.

These are the Days! said...

Rebecca-
I will be lifting you ALL up in prayer this week! Thank you for being so candid and honest! You are such an inspiration to me! I cannot wait to read about the arrival of Piper and Lily (I loooove their names, by the way! ;)

May the Lord bless you and keep you, may he be gracious unto you, and give you peace...

Enjoy these last few days--I so miss feeling those sweet kicks and rolls in my tummy...so miraculous!

I love reading your blog!!! ;)

Liz

Danielle said...

So excited that you get to meet your girls soon! I'm expecting my first, a girl, in a month. I laughed at the part about ice cream... I had ice cream and a girl scout cookie last night and I thought my kid was going to karate-chop her way right out of my belly! I can't imagine feeling it times two. Congrats on being in single digits!

Tishauna said...

Jake and Rebecca I have been following your post since being introduced to you through Family Life Today. I have tried not to check back to the blog too often to not appear anxious, but I am so joyful to see you walk in this precious season. May the Holy Spirit minister to you and remove any presence of anxiousness and the Lord Our God Triumphantly deliver your girls into your arms. You are in my prayers and I love you for sharing your life with all of us!!

Anna said...

So happy for you! I don't think we've ever met, but I'm Katy's sister in AZ. Praying for a safe and healthy delivery!!

Amber said...

I just found your blog this past week after being so blessed by your post on the familylife mom blog. Thank you for being so honest and forthright so we could hold up those in our own day to day lives.

But I had to comment because I also have twin girls that just turned one march 3rd. Twins are a blessing beyond and such a joy (even if I didn't sleep for a couple months). : )

What really resonated was how you shared your fears about the c-section. I had our first daughter naturally and when my doctor told me I had to have a c-section (I had a breech baby and transverse baby : ) ), I cried and cried. . . for pretty much all the reasons you shared.

But what I want to ENCOURAGE you with is that my c-section was so much more connected with my girls than I anticipated. Thankfully, I did have a complication-free one, but I was holding Kate in my recovery room within the first hour and Olivia not much longer after (they were 5'12 and 5'10 at birth).

I had asked my husband to just start snapping pictures as soon as they came out - so he followed and got them getting weighed, measured and everything and brought the camera back to me right away. It helped me feel like I was as much a part of their entry to the world as my older daughter. I was ok not having him by me, knowing he was watching over them for me if that makes sense. And I was able to give them both kisses and quick snuggles before they whisked them away for a bit to get body temps up.

I was so scared it would feel like "less" of an experience . . .and it was still the complete miraculous introduction that I so prayed it could be.

So this week, I"ll be praying for comfort: physically (I still remember those end weeks!), emotionally and spiritually. That you can find joy in the anticipation and excitement for what's to come. And we'll be praying condifently knowing that we have a God that promises to walk every step of every journey with us. God bless!

Oh - if you'd like to read some of the posts I wrote about having twins (I've known several people who've had them lately), you can find them at:

http://connectthedots-amber.blogspot.com/2009/09/part-one-so-if-i-was-having-twins-again.html

http://connectthedots-amber.blogspot.com/2009/09/part-two-if-i-was-having-twins-again.html

http://connectthedots-amber.blogspot.com/2009/10/part-3-if-i-was-having-twins-again.html

http://connectthedots-amber.blogspot.com/2009/11/part-4-if-i-was-having-twins-again.html

I wrote about my pregnancy, the beginning months, advice for family/friends and then about nursing twins. No pressure - I just know I loved hearing other moms of twins experiences!

Linds said...

I love your honesty in this post. I cannot imagine all of the conflicting emotions you are going through right now... and double since you have TWO babies to worry about! We are praying that the next several days are filled with peace that surpasses all understanding, that God would give you and Jacob rest before these babies come (Lord knows you'll need it!) and that God would be glorified in all.

PS-- I know a lot of women who lied after they had a c-section so they could see their babies faster. Not that I condone lying, but thought I'd give you that suggestion nonetheless :)

Amy said...

Rebecca- I have been following your blog since last summer when we lost our little Gracie at 23 weeks! Your story has been such an encouragement to me because it feels so similar to mine and I don't know but I guess it just feels good to know that someone else has experienced similar pain and yet seen God in the midst of it all!
My husband and I have been married almost 4 years and we lost our little Israel at 11 weeks in 08 and then we lost Gracie last summer. We are expecting baby number 3 though and I am due in 10 weeks! It's a little boy and we are so excited but I can definitely identify with your feelings about missing Molly and scared about something going wrong with this pregnancy!
I am so happy for you and Jacob and the little girls you're about to meet! Hope everything goes well! I'll be praying! Thanks again for sharing your story!

Kerry said...

Been periodically checking in on your blog for a little over a year. I am from Little Rock(though I don't live there now)and found your blog from some fellow friends. I have twin daughters, they will be 2 April 18th. It goes by so fast! I am so impressed you have made it this far! I was on hospital bedrest starting at 33 weeks due to preeclampsia and went into labor (water broke) on my own 2 days shy of 36 weeks. My husband was deployed to Iraq my whole pregnancy but made it back 2 weeks before they were born! Talk about shock when he saw me! Anyways, I really enjoy reading your blog. Many prayers for a safe delivery. The time from when they are born to when you get to hold them goes by pretty fast,and my husband was able to get video and pics and come back and show me, so I didn't feel completely out of the loop. I hope you are ready for lots of attention bc people are going to stop you and ooohhh and ahhhh over your babies everywhere you go. You'll be amazed at the things people say to you but hands down I get the "Your hands are full!" comment all the time. They are and I love it...I walk into stores holding two little hands and I couldn't be happier. It is HARD (first 6 months especially) but after that it gets better, you are less sleep deprived! The twin experience is just neat and I love it more than I could ever have imagined. Looking forward to hearing about Lily(Lilly?) and Piper's big debut and many prayers lifted up for peace as you wait!

HB said...

When I delivered my gals, via C-section, the nurse had wrapped them both up, but I'm fairly certain that J and I were the first to really hold them. I was allowed to hold Brooklyn as I was being wheeled back to my room after the delivery. Vivi had to go to the NICU for less than an hour and then we got to hold her again. Let your voice be heard, girl. :) There will be 10,000 people in that OR with you, just let them know you want to see each girl the second she is born and that you and your baby-dad want to hold them asap. Our doc held each girl up over the drape right after she was delivered and it was so great to see their sweet little bodies and hear their tiny cries. Praying for you and your girls.

snlpitt said...

I was terrified the last few weeks before our 2nd child was born, in tears daily. Our 1st was stillborn, full-term, no complications. Tell God everything and rest in Him.

Corby and Lauren said...

I guess each hospital does c-sections differently, but I was able to hold Harper right after they lifted me to the bed that would be wheeled into the recovery room (while we were still in the OR). In fact, I was so nervous to actually hold her because my whole body was still shaking from all of the medicine, but the moment they placed her in my arms, it all stopped. I have friends that had to wait hours, but I didn't... so maybe you could get around that wait time. I realize twins might be different, but I just thought I'd pass along my experience. Praying for you and your precious girls!!!

Lauren (Daniels)