Sunday, June 29, 2008

Today was good...

What did we do today? Well, we slept in till 10 which was so nice. I think our bodies are finally catching up on the sleep we missed out on during Molly's week. We went to our favorite bagel shop up the road, Big Daddy Bagels, and got some breakfast/lunch. Then instead of going back home we drove to a nearby park and hung out under a giant tree for over an hour. We just sat there and talked together. We watched little kids playing on the playground and families coming and going with lunch or fishing poles. It was a beautiful day to be outside! We left and came home only to sit in the basement and watch an old episode of CSI and then Jake played Zelda on the Super Nintendo. I still can't figure out why he likes to play it so many times when he's beat the game already. It seems pointless to me. :)

I talked to my mom for awhile about the summer and possibly cooking for our family get together in August. And we talked about having some neat thank you cards made with Molly's picture on it as a reminder to pray for us and as a neat way to show off our daughter. It was fun to talk to her and Jake even got on another extension so he could be in on what we were talking about. We blew up a purple balloon and wrote to our little girl on it before releasing it to the beautiful blue sky. Then we went to Baskin Robbins and had an ice cream date. We talked about random things and ate our ice cream while we sat on the curb and enjoyed the sunshine. We went to the grocery store together and bought a few random things and then we went back home again. Then around 8 we went to Eric and Lara Veve's house and I sat in the kitchen with Lara while Jake played with the kids. We just got home from their house and it's midnight.

Tomorrow I'm going to the cemetery to pick out Molly's gravestone marker. I am honestly looking forward to it. It'll be a neat marker and I am excited to have it done so that all who visit her grave know who she is and the God we serve and love. And going to pick out her marker will also give me a chance to visit her grave and say hi. And then tomorrow night we're going to a Rockies Baseball game with a couple we met through our small group at church.

I'm ready to go to bed. This staying up late thing is for the birds. My new assignment is to get Jake in bed sooner because last night he was up till 3:30 and then a few nights ago he was up till past 5 a.m.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Miss Molly Ann

"All my days were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began." Psalm 139:16b

Jacob read to me from his devotions this morning from Psalm 139 which I have always loved. This chapter has taken on new meaning for me since Molly entered into our lives. It goes without saying that God knew all 7 of Molly's days before even one of them came to be. He knew that she would light up this world in such a significant way and in such a short amount of time.

Oh Molly, even though I have complete assurance that you are with Jesus I sometimes find myself asking the question, "Where did you go?" In that question I think I ask it because you were only here for such a short amount of time. It went by so fast and I find myself thinking about my favorite moments with you: stroking your silky hair, kissing your soft sweet cheeks, looking into your dark eyes, talking to you while you sleep, and holding your little hand in mine. I love to look at the picture in your nursery of me and you. Your sweet little body snuggled up close to mine while your head lay against my chest. You were lulled to sleep by the familiar beating of my heart, something you knew for so long. I so wish you were back in my tummy sweet girl!! I loved being pregnant with you! It was such a delightful experience and I will cherish it always.

Your daddy bought a small helium tank so that we could send you a balloon each day. Last night we sent you one for your 2 week birthday, it was pink and we wrote you a note on it before letting it drift high into the night sky. This morning we stopped by an open space in front of the Flatirons and sent you three balloons: pink, yellow, and purple. I wrote you a note on the pink one, daddy wrote to you on the purple one, and then I wrote all your nicknames on the yellow one. We kissed each balloon and told you we loved you. They were all tied together and we watched them soar high into the sky and into the clouds. We watched them for awhile and then we went to our favorite donut shop and had yummy donuts and listened to two old men talk loudly about who knows what. (we could only catch a line or two and it didn't really make sense to us what they were talking about, but we laughed anyway) :)

We love our little Molly girl. What a delight, treasure, and joy! We are so thankful for the 7 days we had with you and know that we are only separated by our time left on earth. We can't wait to see you again! Oh may it come soon!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Missing Molly

As many of you know, we have just walked through the toughest week of our lives. It has been an emotional roller coaster. From having contractions on the 12th, to giving birth in the early morning hours of the 13th, to hearing "It's a girl!" and being so excited, to not hearing her cries and trying not to worry, to seeing the doctors and nurses work on her little body to see what was wrong, to not hold her like I should have been soon after birth, to finding out she's in the NICU for a heart murmur, then having her be taken to Children's, to hearing the worst news a parent ever has to hear "she has irreversible brain damage", to having to make the hardest decision of our lives, to seeing her beautiful eyes, kissing her sweet skin, touching her little ears, holding her hands, and whispering in her ear, to holding her tight to our chests, to letting her go be with Jesus, and then holding her little body one last time before saying farewell.

I am so tired. My heart is heavy and yet light at the same time. I am sad and missing our sweet Molly so much and I am delighted she is with Jesus, singing and dancing with no pain, no tears, and no sorrow. As my sister in law Stephanie wrote in her journal, the King has called Molly to his palace and we wait until we are called to be with Him and with her.

Sweet Molly Ann, we miss you so much! I find comfort in that you will never again have to experience the pain of this earth. You'll never be rejected, chosen last for a game at school, not asked for a slumber party, ignored at a school dance, made fun of, or struggle with things like beauty, wanting to get married, or wanting to have babies and not be able to, or have a child and then have to make a choice like we did to give her up to the Lord. You know Heaven like we all wish to know. You are there, hopefully watching us and excited for the day we will hold you once again.

We love you so much and cannot wait till the King calls us Home!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Still waiting

Well, the due date has come and gone and no baby. We are a little disappointed, to say the least. It's been interesting how we had nothing planned after the 5th. It's like we have no life and the only thing we look forward to is this baby coming. I'm trying to enjoy the days we have left, not knowing how many we have, but it's still hard to wait. Especially when people are calling or emailing or asking you in the grocery store "when are you due?". And I know that people are just so excited to find out what we'll have and all that, it just makes it harder to wait when everyone else is on the edge of their seats and they aren't the ones pregnant! :)

I do know this, we will have a baby on or sometime shortly after the 17th of June. That's when my date to be induced is. We are scheduled for 12:00 p.m. on that day to go in and be induced. I really hope that we don't make it till then. Truly, I want to go into labor on my own without having to do the drugs bit and all that. But I guess we'll just have to see. That's a week from Tuesday and we could still be pregnant by the 17th. But at least we have an end in sight.

The nursery is ready and I tried to post pictures with my last post but they would not post. I have a hard time with pictures on this thing but I promise to work harder once we have a baby to show off. Maybe I can post some tonite. If not then just be patient or email me and I can send pictures that way.

Well.. until we have news to share, this is my last blog before I become a mommy!!