Missing Molly

As many of you know, we have just walked through the toughest week of our lives. It has been an emotional roller coaster. From having contractions on the 12th, to giving birth in the early morning hours of the 13th, to hearing "It's a girl!" and being so excited, to not hearing her cries and trying not to worry, to seeing the doctors and nurses work on her little body to see what was wrong, to not hold her like I should have been soon after birth, to finding out she's in the NICU for a heart murmur, then having her be taken to Children's, to hearing the worst news a parent ever has to hear "she has irreversible brain damage", to having to make the hardest decision of our lives, to seeing her beautiful eyes, kissing her sweet skin, touching her little ears, holding her hands, and whispering in her ear, to holding her tight to our chests, to letting her go be with Jesus, and then holding her little body one last time before saying farewell.

I am so tired. My heart is heavy and yet light at the same time. I am sad and missing our sweet Molly so much and I am delighted she is with Jesus, singing and dancing with no pain, no tears, and no sorrow. As my sister in law Stephanie wrote in her journal, the King has called Molly to his palace and we wait until we are called to be with Him and with her.

Sweet Molly Ann, we miss you so much! I find comfort in that you will never again have to experience the pain of this earth. You'll never be rejected, chosen last for a game at school, not asked for a slumber party, ignored at a school dance, made fun of, or struggle with things like beauty, wanting to get married, or wanting to have babies and not be able to, or have a child and then have to make a choice like we did to give her up to the Lord. You know Heaven like we all wish to know. You are there, hopefully watching us and excited for the day we will hold you once again.

We love you so much and cannot wait till the King calls us Home!


Sarah said…
Bec - I love you so much! I have been praying for you since the 13th. Thank you for posting. Please let me know if you need anything. I am here for you.


Samuel said…
well said, bec ... well said. I love your statement "you know heaven like we all wish to know." Hope filled sorrowful words from an amazing mom.
Andressa said…
No words, only tears. We miss her too. A & J
Julie said…
wow. you have guts to post so soon. I have been praying for you - my heart has been so heavy thinking of your grief. I will continue to pray for you to process - with the Lord, Jake, and good girlfriends...and your journal.
LWB said…
Sweet Becca, I don't have words, but my heart fills and breaks for you and little Molly. You amaze me with your perspective and I feel like getting to hear little tidbits about the whole experience was an incredible gift, one that certainly left it's mark on me.

carly smith said…
no words can express how heavy my heart is for you and jake. you are close to my heart, and being held in the arms of the Lord. much love and prayers in the days and weeks to come.
B said…
You said that so beautifully! I love you so much Becs!

Christy Hutchins

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