Friday, May 22, 2009

A Doorway Cut in Sod







Ever since Tuesday morning I have been wanting to write about our sweet time at Micah's burial. It was truly so very good for our hearts to be there and actually place him in the ground next to Molly. There was finality, yes, but it was a good sense of closure.

We arrived at the cemetery a little before 10 and began filling some balloons with helium. We had just enough for two blue and two white ones. After tying on some string, we followed Pam, the funeral coordinator who helped us with Molly's burial less than a year ago, to the foot of Molly's grave. It was a warm and sunny day, much like it was when we buried Molly. Pam had set up two chairs that faced a little pedestal with Micah's little white box on top. Beyond Micah we could see Molly's marker, just a foot away. It was a perfect setup, yet perfectly horrible at the same time. I could not believe that we were there, again.

Pam stepped away from us to give us as much time as we wanted before putting Micah in the ground. We prayed together, and with tears pouring from my eyes I asked the Lord to weep with us, to hold us close, to heal our hearts. After we finished praying, I picked up Micah's box and just held it in my lap. So light, so fragile, so empty feeling. And it was empty. Yes it had our son's body inside, but the best part about him wasn't there. His soul and spirit is with Jesus and with Molly. Again, I just cannot believe it. Cannot hardly fathom the reality of where we sat.

We took turns holding the box and capturing those moments on our camera. Something to remind us that this was not a bad dream, but in fact reality. That we had buried a little boy of ours. After some time we each wrote on a balloon. Jake chose blue, as it represented his little boy, the son that he had. I chose white, for the purity and holiness of Heaven, the reality of where our son was and where we longed to be. After writing on the balloons we read aloud what we had written and then let them slip away into the light blue sky.

Then Jake took Micah's box and after we both hugged it tightly, placed it in the ground, inside a small concrete box. I knelt on the ground, kissed my fingers, and placed them on his box, whispering my love and good-byes.

A concrete lid was placed on top and then Jake took a big shovel and put dirt in the hole. The caretaker of the cemetery helped him finish and when the piece of sod was placed on top, I placed a single white rose tied with a piece of ribbon on top. I also put another white rose with ribbon in Molly's vase.

Our babies were home. Where their lives have truly begun and they are experiencing the joys and delights of purity and holiness. They are held close by Jesus and sung to by a choir of angels, free from the sin of this world.

Oh how I cannot wait to be there with them both.

Take us soon, Jesus.

15 comments:

Sarah said...

Thank you for sharing this, Bec. I'm praying for you and Jacob.

Wendi Cupp said...

Thinking of you lots and praying hard for you. Thank you for writing about this and letting us share in this experience. Lots of hugs and prayers to you. Love you.

Anonymous said...

Tears fell as I read what you wrote. Thank you for sharing! My heart goes out to you both!

~T. Rupp~

Linds said...

There are no words to say other than that I am so sorry. We weep with you as your mourn your loss, and are hopeful for the day where we will be able to meet your precious children.

a grieving mother said...

Sitting shiva with you in our hearts...I know your longing for Heaven oh so well...Praying you will have peace and comfort here on this earth. Love, Molle and Francis

Elaine said...

There are many tears for you and your loss. Thank you for sharing; my heart goes out to you and Jake and my prayers continue to be with you.

Julie said...

Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry. I cried, too as I read your post.

Emily B said...

Thank you for sharing your story and the pictures. I wish there was something I could do to ease the pain.

Hannah said...

I cannot even imagine the overwhelming grief you and your family must be experiencing so I am lifting you in prayer before the God of Peace.

I do not know your family but have been blessed by the ministry of Family Life and hope to follow you on your journey until we hear of you singing the song of Hannah of old.

Blessings,
Hannah

Sarah said...

I do not know you, but feel like I do since I have kept up with you and cried with you. My hyusband and I have been extremely blessed by Family Life also. I am thinking of you and praying for God to meet you where you are.

Steve and Mary Lou said...

Jacob and Becca...Thank you for sharing your life with us. God has gifted you, Becca, in being able to write so deeply and so real. We have been told that when someone writes from their minds then minds receive it, but when someone writes from their heart then hearts receive it. Our hearts have been touched by both of you forever. We love you and are praying for you from afar, dear ones.

Anonymous said...

I do not know you and I stumbled on your blog only to find out what you have been through. While the rest of the world has been going about life...you have been carrying this heavy cross of pain. I am so sorry for your loss...Molly & Micah. Our family has experienced similar pain, know that you are not alone. Prayers for healing thru and thru.

Danessa said...

On this day, May 22, my husband and I lost our twin boys. I was 18 1/2 weeks pregnant when our worst nightmare bacame reality. Having to give birth to our precious sons and then let them go was the most painful moment of our lives. As a mama waiting on the wrong side to get to hold my little ones again, I can relate to a lot of your feelings. Thank you for sharing your story. It has been a real encouragement and blessing. God IS good and I hold tight to His promises. I truly believe He will bless us both with children to watch grow up and love on in His time.

dkcal said...

Rebecca, thank you so much for sharing... you and Molly have touched my heart in an incredible way. I just read your comments about feeling worthless because you do not have "a job or skills to keep you motivated"... right now I am sitting in a work meeting that is absolutely unrelated to anything I care about to earn money for my family... I have computer graphics skills that I do enjoy and have developed to earn money for my family... but I would trade it ALL to be home for my husband. Our worth is definitely NOT our job. You are so precious... I am glad that you realize the enemy is attacking. You have a very special gift from God in your ability to touch others and be who only you can be. God bless you and your husband and family always. With love, Kathleen Callison

Anonymous said...

I was googling a poem that I have heard and the name of your blog post was part of it, doorways cut in sod.
Perhaps you are familiar with it,perhaps not but here it is:

'I once scorned every fearful thought of death
When it was but the end of pulse and breath,
But now my eyes have seen that past the pain
There is a world that's waiting to be claimed.
Earthmaker, Holy, let me now depart,
For living's such a temporary art,
And dying is but getting dressed for God,
Our graves are merely doorways cut in sod.'

Calvin Miller

It's like the Scripture in 1 Cor. 15:55 "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?"