He Provides
Today the Lord provided for me in a very unique way. I would have never asked for this sort of provision, but am thankful for how God is using my pain to give Him glory.
I got a call from a friend’s husband who asked me to come to the hospital to be with his wife. They had just miscarried their baby. I was one of few friends who were called. I dropped what I was doing and drove to the hospital to be with them, thankful that I had nothing going on. Hugging her husband as I entered the room I could tell that there were tears springing into his eyes. I sat with my friend as we talked and shared hearts. We had been pregnant together for our first pregnancies. Now we were sharing the pain of losing babies we barely knew, but had prayed for and dreamed over.
I took her home, her hands holding a soft blond teddy bear, a gift from the hospital. She mentioned as we left that she had now done both: left with a baby and left without a baby. I knew the pain she felt. It was just 2 months before that I was in her same place, clutching a bear and feeling the pain of an empty womb.
I see this as an open door from the Lord. A provision for me in my current state of feeling a deep sense of loss and no purpose to call my own. I would never ask to share this unique heartache and pain with a close friend, but am incredibly humbled and honored to have been called to the front of the battlefield. I have offered to help her with her son and the work she has to complete that seems overwhelming. I told her that I had nothing pushing me forward and that I would love to help her. Thankfully she accepted my offer gladly and I start working with her next Wednesday.
I see this as an opportunity to share pain, talk openly and honestly, be authentic, and share tears mixed with laughter. I pray that I am encouraging and helpful, a cool drink of water in a very dry time.
So I give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. He has given me a purpose in my pain.
Thank you, Jesus.
I got a call from a friend’s husband who asked me to come to the hospital to be with his wife. They had just miscarried their baby. I was one of few friends who were called. I dropped what I was doing and drove to the hospital to be with them, thankful that I had nothing going on. Hugging her husband as I entered the room I could tell that there were tears springing into his eyes. I sat with my friend as we talked and shared hearts. We had been pregnant together for our first pregnancies. Now we were sharing the pain of losing babies we barely knew, but had prayed for and dreamed over.
I took her home, her hands holding a soft blond teddy bear, a gift from the hospital. She mentioned as we left that she had now done both: left with a baby and left without a baby. I knew the pain she felt. It was just 2 months before that I was in her same place, clutching a bear and feeling the pain of an empty womb.
I see this as an open door from the Lord. A provision for me in my current state of feeling a deep sense of loss and no purpose to call my own. I would never ask to share this unique heartache and pain with a close friend, but am incredibly humbled and honored to have been called to the front of the battlefield. I have offered to help her with her son and the work she has to complete that seems overwhelming. I told her that I had nothing pushing me forward and that I would love to help her. Thankfully she accepted my offer gladly and I start working with her next Wednesday.
I see this as an opportunity to share pain, talk openly and honestly, be authentic, and share tears mixed with laughter. I pray that I am encouraging and helpful, a cool drink of water in a very dry time.
So I give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. He has given me a purpose in my pain.
Thank you, Jesus.
Comments
Your book, your blog and your faith have been an encouragement to me. I finished the book in just about two days - it was all too familiar to me. Fifty days ago, Sunday May 24th, our second daughter, Lindsay Claire, was born and appeared perfectly healthy. We enjoyed 26 precious, "normal" hours with her, and then she stopped breathing on the evening of May 25th. God gave us two more precious days with her in the NICU, and then we had to make the same decision you and your husband did for Molly Ann. We know Lindsay is whole and healed in Heaven with Christ (and maybe she has met Molly Ann too), but it is still so hard. Thanks for sharing your daughter's life with so many and for allowing the Lord to use you in the lives of others!
Leslie Alexander
Pearland, TX
lalexander76@yahoo.com
Reading through your book I felt like I was grieving with you, and aching for you.
Our first baby (Mya Anne) was born August 16th, 2007 and lived 30 short hours. Reading through your book brought me back....we too went through the torturous decision of removing life support. We had 10 hours with Mya without the tubes before she breathed her last breath. If you want to read more about her story, here is the blog post I wrote about it right after she died: http://dlcollins.blogspot.com/2007/08/our-princess-is-with-jesus.html
Reading through your book brought me to tears over & over again, but I think it was good for me. I can totally relate to the "numb" feeling you were talking about...it's all to real and I don't like it. By the grace of God we now have a healthy 11 month old baby boy....but because we got pregnant so quickly after Mya died, I think there is part of me that put up some walls to the grieving...so reading your book and being faced with those memories in such a real way again was healthy I think. It took me 3 sittings to get through the "Coronation Day" chapter. I sobbed through the whole thing.
If you feel like writing back, my email address is danandlauracollins@gmail.com
Thinking of you and praying for you. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. It must have been difficult re-living those heartbreaking moments over again when you wrote your book. I am now passing it along to a friend who's 3-week baby girl (Elayna) just died from Meningitis.
Love your sister in Christ and in grief (and as the mother of Mya's friend in Heaven!),
Laura
Thank you for writing A Symphony in the Dark. I read it from cover to cover last Saturday, sobbing nearly the entire way through. It was just what I needed in this season of my grief.
I just read your book last night - yes, one night - I couldn't put it down. It is such a beautifully written book (as well as beautiful pictures and script) and has some of the best Scriptures and quotes from heroes of mine (Piper and Spurgeon). It took me back to that raw pain I experienced 6 years ago after losing my first daughter from Trisomy 18. I haven't cried like that in a long time as I realized that the hole in my heart will always be there, though now is a bit smaller.
I am the director of the Houston chapter of a Christian infant loss support group, M.E.N.D. (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death, www.mend.org). My mom just ordered your book when it was advertised along with Jerry Sittser's on a radio program, since she knows I am always looking for applicable books to give away to newly grieving families. However, I am extremely picky since so many "loss" books don't show the hope of Christ so many families need. Yours is a wonderful exception and an awesome example of showing God's total sovereignty and perfect plan and also your unwavering faith and absolute dependence on Him. I plan on ordering many more.
Please know that you will be a blessing to many families in Houston who receive your book.
Jaimie Crump
With Love,
Courtney