A Fellowship of Sufferers

I am incredibly blessed.

As I listen to the radio broadcasts this week about Molly's life and death a year ago, I am struck with the amazing opportunity we have been given to share the love of Christ to so many. Because my dad heads up FamilyLife, I am reaping the benefits of being able to share our sweet daughter's story with so many people.

In the wake of Molly's book and the radio broadcast I have received multiple comments here, emails, and friend requests on Facebook. Some of them come from fellow mommies and daddies who are going through the pain of the death of a child. It is encouraging to know that we are not alone in our journey of pain and tears over losing Molly and now Micah. But I must tell you that it is equally discouraging to hear of more and more losses. I am so heartbroken for the parents who struggle to conceive only to lose their baby before he is born. The ones who have great hearts and just want to be parents and long to fill their home with children, why should they not be given this blessing? It makes me sad and it makes me angry. It is so not fair. And it's because the world we live in isn't fair and if it were, I'm not sure we would even deserve the kids we have had or the life we do live.

There is an excellent book on loss, and how our souls grow as a result, that I've been reading off and on since Molly died. The book is: A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser. It's such a great book. My favorite chapter has to do with this very struggle. I didn't deserve to watch Molly die or lose Micah in my womb!! But... the question in response is, did I even deserve to have them in the first place? No, we didn't deserve them. They were, and still are, a gift. If I have the attitude that I deserve life to be a certain way, then I am certain to be disappointed with each letdown. We are not guaranteed a life without suffering, no matter the form.

I'm thankful that God does not deal with us on a fairness basis. If that were so I'm not sure I would have been given Jacob, let alone my precious kids. I am thankful that I not only have a daughter, but also a son! Do I wish they were here with me? Absolutely!! But God saw fit for us to grow as a result of losing them. I do not believe He caused them to die, but I do believe He is in control and allowed it to happen. Do I like these things? Not at all. But I don't get to chose the outcome of my baby's lives. I do get to chose how I respond to their lives and deaths. And I hope and pray that I continue to be honest with myself, Jake, and my Lord in the process. And ultimately, that I might honor and glorify God as that is my ULTIMATE goal and purpose in life.

To the many parents in this unfair world that experience the disappointment of never having children, losing a child, or losing multiple children, I am praying for you and loving you even though we might never meet. I consider you to be someone who understands my heart and the pain I experience better than anyone else. My prayer continues to be that we might use our pain for the glory of God and allow it to be used for good. May we share our pain with others and engage in loss and, for a time, the death of a dream. We will continue to experience pain in this life. This is not our only time of trial and suffering. I do not expect this to be the last time I lose someone I love, but I do expect that in the midst of loss that God will bless us richly. I don't know how He plans to do that, but I do expect blessings upon blessings. I pray blessings for you as well as for me.

Thank you so much for the prayers of so many and for supporting our book. I pray not for huge sales, but for God to use it mightily as He has Molly.

To God be the Glory


Jason said…
I just want to thank you for your courage and strength in Christ. I have been personally blessed this week to listen to the story of your daughter.
angie gutshall said…
I want to thank you for sharing Molly's story with us. I have listened each day and fill like I was there with you. I know I have not lost a child but I still felt your pain and cried with you. I pray your book does help others and again I want to thank you for sharing your story so we can be reminded that God is in control not us. We can't do anything to change His plans but we need to take each day as a gift and enjoy it.
Love and Prayers, Angie
Jennifer said…
Thank you for sharing the most difficult and intimate of struggles with us. I have wept and laughed with you and your family this week...and I have prayed for you. May God continue to bring healing and blessings to you and your husband.

Jennifer in South Carolina
MaryMartha said…
Hey! I'm SO looking forward to reading "Symphony in the Dark". Our family was so encouraged by the book "Empty Arms" someone gave us and I know your book will do the same for many others.
Thank you for sharing your heart. You and your family are still on my little prayer list!
Mary Martha
Linds said…
Drew and I listened to last night's broadcast and shed tears for you and Jake. I just wish I could give you a hug and cry with you! Thank you for your willingness to share with the world, as I can only imagine that it's not easy!
Laura said…
You are a precious mama....what a gift you have given so many. Thank you for sharing Molly and your hearts with so many. Praying for comfort for your heart today and in the days to come. Praying for hope to be planted deep in your heart...

Love you so much
Barb said…
My heart was broken for you all as I listened to the broadcasts all week, awaiting the birth of my first grandchild in August. I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Trish said…
Thank you so much for your inspirational story. I have told all of my family and friends to listen to your precious story of Mighty Molly Mutz. Her legacy surely will continue on for many, many years. I now treasure my children more than ever.

May God Bless You.
Rebecca W. in SC said…
Have been praying for you and your husband ever since I heard about your Molly. I am so sorry for the losses of Molly and Micah. Thank you for being transparent and honest in sharing your thoughts, questions and feelings.I will continue to pray for God's abiding peace and comfort in the days ahead.
pastorbenfleming said…
We spoke to Ben and Becky on Father's Day. I told my son he would have been a tremendous dad. They still have not put the marker on Caleb's gravesite even though June 9th has come and gone. Becky is 26 weeks and the perinatalogists are waiting until week 30 to see how Charity is. She still is not expected to live with such a neural tube defect.
Anonymous said…
I have just read your book and the blog entries from the beginning to now! I did not know of all of this until last week on the radio. I am so sorry for you and your famiy, yet have been so blessed these last several hours!! The book is wonderful, as are the blogs. I, too, will be thinking about Molly and Micah as I go throughout my days, and will be in prayer. I know that God will put to use what I have learned from you and Jacob and your journey. I love to cook, but never had the opportunity to go to culinary school. I have cooking classes with my Kindergarteners at school. As I cook with them and at home, I will think of you!! I send hugs and would buy you a new helium tank if I were close by!!
Melissa said…
Thank you for sharing your story. I (like so many others) wept each day during my morning commute during your broadcast. We are on a different journey trying to start a family of our own (fost/adopt) and that week had been particularly tough. Molly's life really helped put many things into perspective.

I look forward to reading your book!

Hugs From Up Yonder,
Melissa in Loveland
Sara said…
I remember last fall, my mom was on an airplane to come help me and our family... we had just lost our son Samuel, a full term stillbirth. On the airplane she came across an article about you and your sweet Molly. How wonderful that the Lord would bring that her way while she was on her way to comfort and care for us. It helped my grieving heart to read of someone who had been there, lost a child and was surviving it. So I thank you for your encouragement to me over the last 8 months since losing our precious Samuel. And my heart just breaks for you with the loss of Micah now too. I loved your sister's gift to you about Molly's gift. Wow, it was beautiful. I will continue to pray for healing for you as you journey through this road clinging to our Lord.
I just finished listening to the story of Mighty Molly Mutz. My heart breaks for you. My husband and I also have a child in Heaven- God took her while she was still in the womb. The interview was a reminder of how God orchestrates our lives- the good and the "bad." I am thinking of the song "Trust His Heart" by Babbie Mason: "God is too wise to be mistaken, God is too good to be unkind. So when you don't understand, when you don't see His plan, when you can't trace His hand, trust His heart." I will be praying for you and your husband.
Karen said…
Just got your book in the mail this week and read it on Friday through my tears. Will be praying for you all!
Anonymous said…
Rebecca & Jake:

We love you!! Your book is amazing, beutiful, & hopeful! We look forward to giving you a hug & hearing all about your trip! Safe travels.


Donna & Gary
Candyce said…
Thank you for your book and for sharing your heart and Molly's story on FLToday. I cried many tears as I listened and read and it was so healing for me as I heard my own heart in so much of what you all shared (we even used Untitled Hymn at our son's memorial service). We have a treasure in Heaven ~ Treyton ~ waiting for us. He died in my womb at 27 weeks and he was delivered into the arms of Jesus...I can't wait to see him one day. A song that has meant so much to me is Glory Baby by Watermark...it's my lullaby to myself and to my baby boy.

Thank you for opening your hearts and lives to so many through this...Molly & Micah are blessed to have you as parents.
Michele said…
I can't thank God enough for you and your little family touching my soul. I just finished reading A Symphony in the Dark. My sweet precious little girl, Rochele Rene Vasquez just celebrated her 12th birthday in heaven on July 2nd. She was stillborn at full term weighing over 10 pounds and no explination for her death. Her sweet daddy just went home to her on May 25, 2009 at 37 years old. I've now had this experience of "The Peace of God that Passes All My Understanding." I have been truly blessed in the valley and love to hear about others who have touched the hem of His garment. I have four sweet boys who need their mommy more than ever right now but I wait with a renewed anticipation for my eternal home and being reunited with my sweet daughter and husband. I hope Molly, Rochele, and Micah are playing together in heaven as our hearts know each others here on earth. Continued blessings to those of us who mourn for we shall find comfort!
Love you, Michele Vasquez.
Michelle Olson said…
Dear Rebecca & Jacob, God bless you both for walking faithfully in such a painful trial! I was encouraged by your broadcast and heard about your book 2x and knew I had to get it. I finished it through tears last night. My husband David and I lost a newborn baby boy, Isaac, 4 years ago July 21, 2005. We got to be with him for 3 hours and had an hour or so without tubes and wires to hold him and sign hymns to him as he was escorted into heaven. What a reverent holy time and heaven holds a whole new meaning as you both know. I wish you both blessing upon blessing. God has used you both - what a joy.

Michelle in Allentown, PA
M&M said…
Thank you for being such a faithful steward of your story! I lost my baby boy almost halfway through my pregnancy and look forward to spending eternity with him in heaven one day. Psalm 126:5-6 - "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him."

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