I am incredibly blessed.
As I listen to the radio broadcasts this week about Molly's life and death a year ago, I am struck with the amazing opportunity we have been given to share the love of Christ to so many. Because my dad heads up FamilyLife, I am reaping the benefits of being able to share our sweet daughter's story with so many people.
In the wake of Molly's book and the radio broadcast I have received multiple comments here, emails, and friend requests on Facebook. Some of them come from fellow mommies and daddies who are going through the pain of the death of a child. It is encouraging to know that we are not alone in our journey of pain and tears over losing Molly and now Micah. But I must tell you that it is equally discouraging to hear of more and more losses. I am so heartbroken for the parents who struggle to conceive only to lose their baby before he is born. The ones who have great hearts and just want to be parents and long to fill their home with children, why should they not be given this blessing? It makes me sad and it makes me angry. It is so not fair. And it's because the world we live in isn't fair and if it were, I'm not sure we would even deserve the kids we have had or the life we do live.
There is an excellent book on loss, and how our souls grow as a result, that I've been reading off and on since Molly died. The book is: A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser. It's such a great book. My favorite chapter has to do with this very struggle. I didn't deserve to watch Molly die or lose Micah in my womb!! But... the question in response is, did I even deserve to have them in the first place? No, we didn't deserve them. They were, and still are, a gift. If I have the attitude that I deserve life to be a certain way, then I am certain to be disappointed with each letdown. We are not guaranteed a life without suffering, no matter the form.
I'm thankful that God does not deal with us on a fairness basis. If that were so I'm not sure I would have been given Jacob, let alone my precious kids. I am thankful that I not only have a daughter, but also a son! Do I wish they were here with me? Absolutely!! But God saw fit for us to grow as a result of losing them. I do not believe He caused them to die, but I do believe He is in control and allowed it to happen. Do I like these things? Not at all. But I don't get to chose the outcome of my baby's lives. I do get to chose how I respond to their lives and deaths. And I hope and pray that I continue to be honest with myself, Jake, and my Lord in the process. And ultimately, that I might honor and glorify God as that is my ULTIMATE goal and purpose in life.
To the many parents in this unfair world that experience the disappointment of never having children, losing a child, or losing multiple children, I am praying for you and loving you even though we might never meet. I consider you to be someone who understands my heart and the pain I experience better than anyone else. My prayer continues to be that we might use our pain for the glory of God and allow it to be used for good. May we share our pain with others and engage in loss and, for a time, the death of a dream. We will continue to experience pain in this life. This is not our only time of trial and suffering. I do not expect this to be the last time I lose someone I love, but I do expect that in the midst of loss that God will bless us richly. I don't know how He plans to do that, but I do expect blessings upon blessings. I pray blessings for you as well as for me.
Thank you so much for the prayers of so many and for supporting our book. I pray not for huge sales, but for God to use it mightily as He has Molly.
To God be the Glory