Monday, June 24, 2013

5 Birthdays

First year we gathered with my parents and Jake's parents, each of us wrote her a note on a pretty 4 by 5 card and read them aloud.  We spent time in prayer and reflection over what God had done in the last year since her birth and death.  That time was so neat as all six of us were together again in honor of Molly and her life.  The last time we had all been together was when she was alive.  So in some ways I felt like her memories were even brighter that first anniversary having everyone together.

In 2010, we celebrated with two extra special guests: Molly's little sisters, Piper Marah and Lily Mataya.  The twins were just a few months old and we ate cake while they laid on a blanket watching the balloons that were tied to their wrists.  That year I felt like I had sort of accomplished a huge feat, carrying twins and bringing them home felt so good.  And they were healthy too, such a praise!!

For the third year, a close girlfriend of mine asked me how we were planning on celebrating that year and I told her I had no idea.  With the twins being 14 months and starting to walk, I was a little busy and overwhelmed.  She suggested that we get together and have a picnic there.  It was a perfect idea.  Several close girlfriends and I gathered together on a denim picnic blanket and had little sandwiches, fruit, and birthday cupcakes and looked through photos of Molly.  Through tears we sang happy birthday to Molly and then we sang Jesus Loves Me.  It was so nice to get together with friends, most of whom had never been to her doorway before.  I was honored to get to share that time with them.

Then in 2012, it was Jacob, myself, and the twins.  I was pregnant with Rainey.  I made a chocolate cake, one that Jacob requested and we all sat together by her doorway.  The twins wandered around gabbing about this and that and pausing every now and then to smell the roses in Molly's vase.  It was really sweet and fun.  We stayed late and let our balloons go in the dark. Lily didn't want me to write on her balloon so she grabbed it and let it go.  It was pretty funny.

This year, 2013, as we celebrated the fifth year since Molly's birth, I was struck with the realization that I didn't know what I wanted to do to celebrate her.  I was having a hard time deciding how we were going to honor her for the five years that had flown by.  After talking with my family and some friends, we decided to do her birthday party like we had every year before: At her doorway, singing to her and Jesus, and celebrating with cake and balloons.

Besides our family, we had Jake's brother Ozzie and his wife Johanna, their baby boy Shiloh and we also had Mark Mutz there, another brother of Jake and Ozzie's. The time at her doorway was easy going, relaxed, and just wonderful. We ate a delicious picnic lunch provided by Johanna, had tasty high hat cupcakes with pink sprinkles on top.  After we ate, we blew up some balloons and started writing notes to the birthday girl of honor.  I read some entries from Molly's red journal and a few of us cried.

Then we sang Happy Birthday to Molly, Amazing Grace, and then we kissed our balloons and let them fly high into the blue Colorado sky.  It was the perfect ending to a beautiful celebration.  Especially perfect for our Mighty Molly and her Fifth Birthday!

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Happy 5th Birthday Molly Ann!

Sweet Pea,
Today marks 5 years since you were born!  It's amazing to me what has happened in these past 5 years.  In some ways, I feel that I am living the life I hoped I would after handing you to Jesus and then in other ways my heart has a perfect Molly sized hole that will only be filled in glory.

Lately I have been volunteering at church in the kids ministry.  It's something we haven't done since I was pregnant with you.  In fact, the picture I have when I check in to serve at church is a photo of me carrying you in my tummy.  It was taken when we served in the 2 year old room and hasn't been changed, which is always something I think about each time I check in to volunteer. Instead of serving with the 2 year olds, this time I was placed in the 5 year old room.  Each week I am there, I get a little taste of what it would be like to have you here with us.  A busy little girl, who would choose out her own clothes and shoes and maybe take some money for the offering.  Your hair would be golden blonde, held back by a headband at your Daddy's request.  You would dance silly and wave your arms during the songs and probably spend most of the free time at the coloring table or in the dress up section.  You would make friends with some of the other little girls and you would giggle and talk about  how you don't like bugs or how your shirt matches your friends' shirt.  While I will never know exactly what you would be like, it's been soothing to my heart to be able to serve with that age group.

Oh Molly, I am so ready to be with you in Heaven.  I miss you so very much!! I looked through photos of you just now and was taken back to our days with you.  They were so wonderful and so short, too short.  I wish I could jump back in time and spend an hour with you, talking to you and rubbing your back or little hands. Having your baby sister, Rainey has given me a small glimpse into what life would have been like with one baby.  I think of you often when I snuggle her or hug her tight. Her skin reminds me of yours, so soft and smooth.

I imagine your birthday party in Heaven is a smash hit!! The cupcakes I will be making for you won't compare to the sights, sounds, and tastes of glory and being with Jesus. I love you sweet girl. I cannot wait to see you again.

I love you so much precious girl!! You are and always will be my favorite Molly Ann!

Hugs and Kisses from here to there,