Thursday, February 26, 2009

Letter to Molly

Little Miss Molly, did you ever think that someone would write a book about you? Well, that someone is me and yes, we're writing a book about you. Your short little life reflects the magnitude of all that God has done through you and that is worth writing about. Your Mimi and I are tackling this project and it is well under way. We have a short deadline because we want it to be in print and in the stores in time for your birthday. What a birthday present that will be!!

Today has been the hardest day for me in writing your story. I got really stuck on the day you were born and trying to recall my feelings and thoughts from that first day. So much happened and went on that day that it has seemed to get all jumbled up and confused in my head. I talked to Mimi earlier and she helped me sort through my thoughts and get in a better place for writing. Just as I was talking to her I was coming up with all sorts of things that I remembered from our week with you. It was a relief to start writing and be writing well.

In order to help me, I've pulled out the kleenex and the videos that your uncles and aunts put together for us. Seeing you again in video was so good for my heart. It helped me to remember and refocus my thoughts. It also helped me to grieve again. I haven't cried for you in awhile and it always feels so good to cry. It heals my heart to see your eyes open and hear your little cry those first few hours in the NICU.

To say that I miss you is such an understatement. I have been feeling lately that my words are so inadequate for how I am feeling. I long for you, Molly. To touch you and feel your heart beating or your fingers clasp mine. We love you so much and miss you even more. You have continued to touch our hearts and cause us to move closer to the heart of God. We knew our lives would be changed forever by you, but we had no idea how much or how significant.

Well, you have fun in Heaven. You, Gracie, Morgan, and Jonathon are probably all having the greatest party with such wonderful guests. You are all forever safe from hurt, pain, and anguish. And as your parents, we eagerly await the day when God calls us to the throne, to join you and Him for all eternity.

Until that day arrives...

Hugs and Kisses,
Mommy

2 comments:

Christy said...

Hey Sweet Becca! You are a tremendous writer. You have such a talent for using words that make readers feel what you are feeling. I think about you, Jake and Miss Molly often. I'm thankful for your friendship and for what God has revealed to me just by knowing sweet Molly's story. I can't wait to see you guys in May!

Katy Groseta said...

Bec, I love to read your posts. I always feel "hit over the head" when I do. I've never grieved over something as you have with Molly but your grief is so tangible to me. Thank you for being so transparent with your heart! I love you!