I frantically dug through my suitcase, my hands moving clothes and books aside as I looked for the only important item that I had taken with me on my trip.  It was nowhere to be found.  Aside from my light pink shirt I had packed, nothing else of that shade existed in my bag. 

It was Sunday night and I had just returned home from a wonderful and enjoyable weekend with 3,400 other moms for the annual MOPS convention.  It was my first year to go and I was so glad to have been able to attend.  I had left Daddy in charge of the three munchkins and headed off without a single child-like article anywhere near my body or in my purse.  I was kid free for 3 full days.  It was just what I needed and at the time that I needed it. 

I take that back.  I did actually have one baby item, but this item belonged to my first baby, sweet Molly Ann.  I had packed her pink baby blanket that we had wrapped her up when she was in the hospital and had touched her skin and wiped her tears and mine when we were sad.  It holds immense value and is one of my treasured items from that week with her.  My other treasured item is a set of photos that an angel from Heaven took of Molly, just a few hours after she was born.  In these photos, her entire face is free of tubes, tape, and wires.  She is beautiful and whole, just as I imagine she is with Jesus. 

So I took the blanket with me, to sleep with at night like I do every other night whether at home or away.  I have slept with this blanket for 5 and 1/2 years.  It's even gone with me to the hospital when I delivered my other three girls.  

Back to the present.  It's nearly midnight on Sunday when I am finally ready to fall into my bed when I realize I don't have her blanket on my pillow.  I dug through my suitcase for it, willing it to show up underneath a sweater or pile of books from the weekend.  Please, please let it be here.  But in my heart, I know right where it is.  "It's probably stuck in the sheets of my bed in the hotel," I sob to Jake as I keep looking.  I can't believe it's not here. I can't believe I left it! 

That was 2 days ago and it feels like forever.  Molly's blanket is still missing and my heart is missing her even more.  Last night Jake asked me how I was doing and I told him that it felt like I was grieving Molly all over again.  It's hard to explain but it almost feels like an old wound has been opened back up again and I thought it was getting better.  Or like getting a new wound on an old scar, it hurts pretty bad. 

Someone told me today that this is just part of my story and God would use it to weave something new into it.  She's right, I just wish it didn't have to mean losing another piece of Molly. 

Will you pray with me that someone finds it?? 

Comments

Oh Becca, I am so, so sorry! I pray that the hotel will find it and call you! I just wanted to let you know too, that I think of you and Molly often. I'm not sure why, but God lays you on my heart. I was thrilled to see your FB post the other day about expecting a new precious little baby. Praying for you!
M. Serna said…
Aww, this post made me so sad - and I can only imagine how you feel! Praying that you find that treasured and priceless blanket!
Liz said…
Praying for you right now, that someone will find the blanket and that God will give you great comfort. He loves you so!
belle said…
praying, praying, praying!!!! I'm sure you've already called the hotel so I'm praying that they will miraculously "turn it up" somewhere and call you back. The Lord knows what we need and when we need it! 14 1/2 years ago I buried my baby and planted a tree.... 12 years ago I had to move away from that state (probably never to return again).... I grieved the leaving and losing of the tree in a similar way. the ache remains but God's goodness has seen me through. Though I will never sing to "his tree" again,but my heart holds the memory and has peace that will i could, i did.

oh friend- i'm praying that God in His Amazing Goodness will minister to your heart as only He can!
Becca, I am praying that priceless treasure finds its way right back to you.
Anonymous said…
reading your post, my heart ached for you. i hope the blanket is returned.
Anonymous said…
did you ever find it?
Hallie said…
I just heard the series about your and Jake's journey becoming parents to Sweet Molly...am weeping and marveling at God's work through you all to come along side so many of us who grieve. I can't wait to read your book! Praying that Molly's blanket is found!
Mom of Four said…
I pray in Jesus' Holy and Precious name that pink blanket would find its way back to you, Rebecca. In the meantime may The Prince of Peace hold and heal your sweet heart. I will continue to pray as The Holy Spirit reminds me. May you enjoy celebrating His birth this season :) keep us posted as to what has happened. I, too, was at the MOPS convention in Kansas City this October and was blessed to have 3 days without my 4 babies. Merry Christmas!
Anonymous said…
Hope all is well with the family.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas

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