Thursday, March 31, 2011

Welcome back, tears!!

Ok, so I forgot to write about what we did in January... AND February... AND now March. I don't know how some of you bloggers stay so up to date with your writing. I just can't seem to make it happen! I have had some major writers block lately, so maybe that's part of the problem.

Now that I have my excuses out, on to the good stuff!

In five days we will be celebrating Piper and Lily's first birthday! I just cannot get over the fact that it has been a year since their entry into this world. What an incredible year it has been!! So great and such an overflowing of blessings.

Look at these birthday cuties!!




They don't really care for things on their heads and Piper was way into digging her hand into the hat. That kept her sitting still. Lily, on the other hand, preferred to stare at me and then crawl away. I give some major props to photographers who do this full time. Wow! And they were even my own children!!

A few weeks ago, I quietly celebrated a small milestone of my own. I quit taking my anti-depressants for post partum depression.

Now before some of you get worried about me, I did see my doctor and it is completely fine that I have quit taking them. Part of why I think now is a better time to stop is because I am no longer nursing the twins, as of November 2010. I feel like between then and now I have had a chance to allow my body to regulate all those pesky hormones as much as possible.

The other reason I wanted to get off of them is because for the past year I have been physically unable to feel emotion. It is quite the feeling for me, one who is totally and completely in touch with her emotional side. In the past, I have even been made fun of for being so emotional. So for me to not be able to cry or be sad was really odd and an uncomfortable feeling.

Since weaning off my depression meds, I have had ZERO problem crying. In fact, I almost feel like all the crying I've done lately is making up for a years worth of putting my emotions on hold. Whew!! That's a lot of work, no wonder I feel overwhelmed.

One of the things that has caused me to cry so much is thinking about our daughter, Molly, and her short life here on earth. For some reason, our local Christian radio station keeps playing the song we had played at her memorial service, "Untitled Hymn" by Chris Rice. I think I've heard it at least 3 times this week.

The other thing that is keeping my eyes all misty is all the adjusting we're doing with moving into a new place. With moving comes lots of rearranging and unpacking things you never knew you had or wished you had left at your old house. I have more empty picture frames and wonder what I was thinking when I purchased them. Hmmm, maybe I should re-gift some of them? I've also got a ton of what I call "Molly stuff". Before we had the twins, that's all we had on our walls and on shelves. We wanted to remember every small detail about her and also wanted her pictures to be a talking point with those who visited our home. Now, we still want to show her off but we also want to continue living and put pictures up of the twins. But what do I do with her stuff that we aren't using? I know I can't throw it away, but what do I do with it?

Anyway, that's a good bit of detail about me. Probably more than some of you wanted to know. Next time I'll post pics of the girls party! It's going to be: Pink Poodle!! (And we have two mini poodles so it's perfect!!) We're asking for books instead of gifts since the girls have no idea what a present is. They just like to eat the tissue paper. But if it were made of cheese, they would be all over it!! So maybe people could bring cheese covered books or just cheesy books. Ok, now I'm getting slap happy. Time to quite writing. Maybe I don't have writers block anymore. Hmmm.